Adam Horovitz + Bridget Everett

Adam Horovitz is a musician and actor. Earlier this year, the former Beastie Boy costarred alongside Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts in Noah Baumbach’s film While We’re Young. Bridget Everett is a singer, actor, and cabaret performer whose live shows tend to be described as “uninhibited,” “unpredictable,” and “unforgettable.” Her hour-long special “Gynecological Wonders” airs July 11 on Comedy Central. Horovitz is a member of Everett’s band, The Tender Moments, and in the following Thread they debate the relative merits of Barry Manilow, the film Rudy, and a variety of fruits and vegetables.

From: Adam Horovitz

To: Bridget Everett

Good morning, Bridget. What time do you think you’re gonna wake up and get out of bed today? -Adam

From: Bridget Everett

To: Adam Horovitz

I'm up right now with a chardonnay shocker, but hoping it wears off quickly and that I can fall back to sleep. Guessing I will officially start my day just after noon. Or maybe one. It is Sunday, after all.

BTW, did I tell you I’m going to see Manilow at the Barclay Center? Closing night of his farewell tour?? On his birthday!?! You could be my date. Imagine all the tender moments we could have. They supply glow sticks. You, me, and a couple thousand middle-aged women wearing their best Michael Kors.

Doesn't that sound fun??

From: Adam Horovitz

To: Bridget Everett

Aw man, thanks for the Barry Manilow invite. Unfortunately, I think I’m gonna be busy that night eating Chinese food in the stairwell by myself. But, there’s a big GWAR retrospective coming up if you’re interested. Should be a bunch of degenerate ex-Blockbuster Video™ employees drinking shitty beer and Red Bull™.

Let me know if you can make it cause I can get us on the list!

Also, I have two questions I keep forgetting to ask you… 1. Where does asparagus rank on your top 10 vegetable list? 2. What’s your official stance on kiwi fruit?

Sincerely yours,
Mr. Adam Horovitz’s assistant, Mitch

From: Bridget Everett

To: Adam Horovitz

Thanks, Mitch. Well, this might surprise you, but I am a GWAR fan. Although I had no idea who they were until about five years ago and couldn't name any of their originals, I love the covers they've done. Have you seen them do “West End Girls” by the Pet Shop Boys? It's fantastic, and has a very tender ending. Plus, I like their outfits.

Anyone who knows me knows that after I've had an undisclosed amount of chardonnay units, I like to get everyone at the party to rank their favorite fruits and vegetables. Try and tell me that doesn't sound like fun.

So to answer your first question: Asparagus falls firmly in the number-three spot on my top 10 vegetable list. Number two: Mushrooms. Number one: Corn. August is an exciting time. The corn is so sweet and juicy, you can eat that shit raw off the cob.

Kiwi doesn't crack the top 10. It's delicious but loses points on the count of the swelling it causes in the back of my throat.

Mitch, could you ask Mr. Horovitz where he stands on Goldfish vs. Snyder's of Hanover honey mustard pretzels? Champagne Jerry and I have a long-standing debate about this, and we’d love for him to settle it once and for all. Word on the street is that Adam is a snack aficionado.

Also—how many Air Supply songs does Mr. Horovitz have in his iTunes?

From: Adam Horovitz

To: Bridget Everett

Bridget. Shit. I’m really sorry. I just saw Mitch’s email to you. He’s an asshole. And a thief. I’ve put him on official notice. It won’t happen again.

Okay, enough of that negativity. Complainers are drainers. Thanks for clearing up the food questions. I know that we share the same #1 on the fruit list: the tangelo. But I have to go with an entirely different snack of choice. As you know, I don’t like mustard so the Snyder’s are out. And I’ve never really bonded with Goldfish. They’re okay, but to me, they’re certainly not the greatest of all snacks. Hot dogs are at the very top of the food mountain. No question. But when it comes to a snack in a bag… I go with Ruffles. They’re perfect. But again, that’s just my opinion.

And I feel like we should agree to disagree. Just like how we did with Sancerre vs. chardonnay, and any-movie-ever-made vs. Rudy. I get that you enjoy the oaky notes of chardonnay, but Rudy… well… tastes like shit.

Oh, also, I don’t own any Air Supply music in any medium. MP3, CD, vinyl, etc. Although secretly… “All Out of Love” is a jam. We should cover that shit, right?

See you at Barney Greengrass next Tuesday,
Adam

From: Bridget Everett

To: Adam Horovitz

Ok, Adam. I'll see you at Barney Greengrass. There is much to discuss. That stuff you said about Rudy really felt like a punch in the gut. I’ll never believe that you made it through that movie without crying.

Also, I’ll talk to the rest of the Tender Moments and let them know you’ve suggested we cover “All Out of Love.” It is a very tender jam and I’m happy to hear that it has touched your heart. Just picturing you out walking your dog and listening to that on your headphones is almost enough to soothe the sting of all that shit you talked about Rudy. Almost.

Oh, and Amy wants Mitch to call her!